Saturday, April 26, 2008

CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION??


Welcome! Today is a special day because I’m helping Allison Bottke spread the word about her new book; Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing.

Now I know some of you are wondering why I’m promoting this book since I don’t have children of my own. The main reason I’m doing it is because everyone needs to read this book. Allison states that this topic can’t be ignored any longer. It desperately needs to be addressed. The message in her book is already striking a cord in hearts around the nation.


Allison goes on to say: Our country is in a crisis of epidemic proportion concerning adult children whose lives are spinning out of control—leaving parents and grandparents broken-hearted and confused. This painful issue is destroying individuals, families, marriages, churches, and communities. I believe in my heart that you are reading this message today for a very specific reason. Do you know someone who has an adult child who is always in crisis? An adult child who brings chaos to virtually every situation? Could this painful issue be touching your life today?

If so, there’s a truth I’ve come to embrace that has changed my life—it can change yours, too. It’s taken me more years than I care to admit, but I no longer believe in “coincidences.” The truth I’ve come to embrace is that God is the Master of orchestrating “God-cidences.” He has a plan for who he wants us to meet, what lessons he wants us to learn, even what books he wants us to read. He even has a plan for the trials and tribulations of life.

When we begin to look at everything that happens to us throughout the day as “God-cidences” (and not accidental coincidences) it changes the way we view our world.

That said, my prayer is that you will see the following message and the book; Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing as a “God-cidence” placed into your life today for a powerful purpose. Perhaps it’s to help heal your family or the family of a loved one. Perhaps you are here to help us introduce this resource to a broader audience via additional media contacts you may have. Whatever the “God-cidence” may be, please know our primary goal is to bring hope and healing to families around the nation—thank you for helping us.

I pray you will view what you are about to read as a “God-cidence” meant just for you.

God Bless and Keep You,
Allison Bottke

NOW I’d like to share some of the questions I asked Allison about her book. I hope they help you concerning an adult child in your life.

How can we determine whether we are helping versus enabling our children?

ALLISON: Helping is doing something for someone that he is not capable of doing himself.
Enabling is doing for someone things that he could and should be doing himself.

An enabler is a person who recognizes that a negative circumstance is occurring on a regular basis and yet continues to enable the person with the problem to persist with his detrimental behaviors. Simply, enabling creates an atmosphere in which our adult children can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior.

You say the main problem with dysfunctional adult children isn’t the choice they make or don’t make – but something else entirely. If their choices aren’t the main problem, what is?

ALLISON:
Our biggest problem isn’t about our adult child’s inability to wake up when their alarm clock rings, or their inability to keep a schedule, or their inability to hold down a job or pay their bills. It’s not about their drug use or alcohol addictions. It’s not about the mess they’re making of their life. The main problem is about the part we’re playing in stepping in to soften the blow of the consequences that come from the choices they make. The main problem is us. Instead of praying to God to stop the pain, remove the difficulty, or change the life of our adult child, we must rise up and pray for something entirely different. We must pray for the courage to look deep in our own heart and soul—pray for the strength to begin a journey that quite possibly may change our own life—and pray for the wisdom to make new choices in our own life

Why are you so passionate about reaching out to other parents?

ALLISON:
Because I’ve been there—I still am in many ways. I’m a parent who has traveled this painful road of enabling. I understand what it feels like to have your heart break because of a choice our adult child has made.

What are some things that parents can do to break the cycle of enabling?

ALLISON:
Follow the six steps to S.A.N.I.T.Y.: Stop blaming yourself and stop the flow of money. Stop continually rescuing your adult children from one mess after another. Assemble a support group of other parents in the same situation. Nip excuses in the bud. Implement rules and boundaries. Trust your instincts. Yield everything to God, because you’re not in control. These six things can start a parent on the road to S.A.N.I.T.Y. in an insane situation that is spinning out of control. However, a key issue in breaking the cycle of enabling is to understand whose problem it really is.

What are the six steps for hope and healing you refer to in Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children?

ALLISON: S.A.N.I.T.Y. Six Steps for Regaining a Healthy Relationship with Adult Children
S = STOP Enabling, STOP Blaming Yourself, and STOP the Flow of MoneyA = Assemble a Support Group N = Nip Excuses in the BudI = Implement Rules/BoundariesT = Trust Your InstinctsY = Yield Everything to the Higher Power of God (Surrender)
From the opening pages, you are very candid in your own struggles to set boundaries with your adult son, in a section titled “Why I Had to Write This Book.”
Why did you feel the need to be so open so quickly?

ALLISON:
There are many good books available on boundaries. Most of them are written from the perspective of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, or theologian. Never in my years of searching for help did I find a book on boundaries written by a parent in pain who had walked in my shoes. I wanted readers to quickly understand that this book was different.

Where can my readers go for more information on your book and on the S.A.N.I.T.Y. ministry?

ALLISON:
Everything you could possibly need is contained on our web site at: http://www.sanitysupport.com/blogtourguests.htm.

ALLISON: I encourage your readers to tell me what they think about Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. I really do want to hear reader feedback. They can reach me at: SettingBoundaries@SanitySupport.com. Please be sure to visit our web site at http://www.sanitysupport.com/blogtourguests.htm where they will find additional resources for helping them on their road to S.A.N.I.T.Y. Remember to tell a friend in need and help save a life!

Thank you, Allison, for taking the time to write such an outstanding book. I hope all of my readers have read this special blog today. If you have, you’re in for a surprise. For those of you who leave a message on my blog will be entered into a drawing for a copy of Allison’s book. The winner will be announced May 7th. God bless you!!!!

nettie

2 comments:

Jonna said...

Allison,

This book sounds like a God-send for me. I'll be looking for it.

Jonna

Allison Bottke said...

Thank you, Nettie, for hosting me today! My prayer is that this book will help parents and grandparents to find hope and healing in the insanity that occurs when we have adult kids who are out of control. I know they can find SANITY because I did. It is possible. God bless you.