CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION??

Welcome! Today is a special day because I’m helping Allison Bottke spread the word about her new book; Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing.

Now I know some of you are wondering why I’m promoting this book since I don’t have children of my own. The main reason I’m doing it is because everyone needs to read this book. Allison states that this topic can’t be ignored any longer. It desperately needs to be addressed. The message in her book is already striking a cord in hearts around the nation.

Allison goes on to say: Our country is in a crisis of epidemic proportion concerning adult children whose lives are spinning out of control—leaving parents and grandparents broken-hearted and confused. This painful issue is destroying individuals, families, marriages, churches, and communities. I believe in my heart that you are reading this message today for a very specific reason. Do you know someone who has an adult child who is always in crisis? An adult child who brings chaos to virtually every situation? Could this painful issue be touching your life today?

If so, there’s a truth I’ve come to embrace that has changed my life—it can change yours, too. It’s taken me more years than I care to admit, but I no longer believe in “coincidences.” The truth I’ve come to embrace is that God is the Master of orchestrating “God-cidences.” He has a plan for who he wants us to meet, what lessons he wants us to learn, even what books he wants us to read. He even has a plan for the trials and tribulations of life.

When we begin to look at everything that happens to us throughout the day as “God-cidences” (and not accidental coincidences) it changes the way we view our world.

That said, my prayer is that you will see the following message and the book; Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing as a “God-cidence” placed into your life today for a powerful purpose. Perhaps it’s to help heal your family or the family of a loved one. Perhaps you are here to help us introduce this resource to a broader audience via additional media contacts you may have. Whatever the “God-cidence” may be, please know our primary goal is to bring hope and healing to families around the nation—thank you for helping us.

I pray you will view what you are about to read as a “God-cidence” meant just for you.

God Bless and Keep You,
Allison Bottke

NOW I’d like to share some of the questions I asked Allison about her book. I hope they help you concerning an adult child in your life.

How can we determine whether we are helping versus enabling our children?

ALLISON: Helping is doing something for someone that he is not capable of doing himself.
Enabling is doing for someone things that he could and should be doing himself.

An enabler is a person who recognizes that a negative circumstance is occurring on a regular basis and yet continues to enable the person with the problem to persist with his detrimental behaviors. Simply, enabling creates an atmosphere in which our adult children can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior.

You say the main problem with dysfunctional adult children isn’t the choice they make or don’t make – but something else entirely. If their choices aren’t the main problem, what is?

ALLISON: Our biggest problem isn’t about our adult child’s inability to wake up when their alarm clock rings, or their inability to keep a schedule, or their inability to hold down a job or pay their bills. It’s not about their drug use or alcohol addictions. It’s not about the mess they’re making of their life. The main problem is about the part we’re playing in stepping in to soften the blow of the consequences that come from the choices they make. The main problem is us. Instead of praying to God to stop the pain, remove the difficulty, or change the life of our adult child, we must rise up and pray for something entirely different. We must pray for the courage to look deep in our own heart and soul—pray for the strength to begin a journey that quite possibly may change our own life—and pray for the wisdom to make new choices in our own life

Why are you so passionate about reaching out to other parents?

ALLISON: Because I’ve been there—I still am in many ways. I’m a parent who has traveled this painful road of enabling. I understand what it feels like to have your heart break because of a choice our adult child has made.

What are some things that parents can do to break the cycle of enabling?

ALLISON: Follow the six steps to S.A.N.I.T.Y.: Stop blaming yourself and stop the flow of money. Stop continually rescuing your adult children from one mess after another. Assemble a support group of other parents in the same situation. Nip excuses in the bud. Implement rules and boundaries. Trust your instincts. Yield everything to God, because you’re not in control. These six things can start a parent on the road to S.A.N.I.T.Y. in an insane situation that is spinning out of control. However, a key issue in breaking the cycle of enabling is to understand whose problem it really is.

What are the six steps for hope and healing you refer to in Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children?

ALLISON: S.A.N.I.T.Y. Six Steps for Regaining a Healthy Relationship with Adult Children
S = STOP Enabling, STOP Blaming Yourself, and STOP the Flow of MoneyA = Assemble a Support Group N = Nip Excuses in the BudI = Implement Rules/BoundariesT = Trust Your InstinctsY = Yield Everything to the Higher Power of God (Surrender)
From the opening pages, you are very candid in your own struggles to set boundaries with your adult son, in a section titled “Why I Had to Write This Book.”

Why did you feel the need to be so open so quickly?

ALLISON: There are many good books available on boundaries. Most of them are written from the perspective of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, or theologian. Never in my years of searching for help did I find a book on boundaries written by a parent in pain who had walked in my shoes. I wanted readers to quickly understand that this book was different.

Where can my readers go for more information on your book and on the S.A.N.I.T.Y. ministry?

ALLISON: Everything you could possibly need is contained on our web site at: http://www.sanitysupport.com/blogtourguests.htm.

ALLISON: I encourage your readers to tell me what they think about Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. I really do want to hear reader feedback. They can reach me at: SettingBoundaries@SanitySupport.com. Please be sure to visit our web site at http://www.sanitysupport.com/blogtourguests.htm where they will find additional resources for helping them on their road to S.A.N.I.T.Y. Remember to tell a friend in need and help save a life!

Thank you, Allison, for taking the time to write such an outstanding book. I hope all of my readers have read this special blog today. If you have, you’re in for a surprise. For those of you who leave a message on my blog will be entered into a drawing for a copy of Allison’s book. The winner will be announced May 7th. God bless you!!!!

nettie

MY SAVING GRACE

How many of you know APRIL is Poetry Month? I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t. Writer’s Digest informed me of the fact yesterday morning in my inbox. They also suggested anyone reading the email to write a poem every day for the next 30 days.

Without a moment’s hesitation, I decided to take the month-long challenge. Any opportunity I have to write a poem, ditty, acrostic or verse I jump on it with both feet. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to write poetry. It restores my soul like an extra measure of manna from heaven.

If I showed you my collection, you’d see quite a variety of poems. Some are comical (oh, like that surprises anyone). Quite a few of them reflect my belief in Jesus and the road He and I have traveled for 52 years. The majority of the others I’ve written are the ones I’ve penned after reading an article or heard a sad story. I won’t know the people involved, but their heartache touches a part of my heart and I have to write something down or I’ll burst.

I know not everyone are writers (my one sister almost shakes uncontrollably if asked to put pen to paper), but I believe all of us need an outlet to express ourselves. Mine, of course, is poetry. It’s truly my saving grace.

What’s yours?

nettie

PS: Let me know if you’re going to join me in the poem-a-day challenge!!!

PSS: And, for those of you who are interested, I’m still knocking out pages on my much-anticipated novel. Not to worry!!!

S.U.B.M.I.T.

SUBMIT: A. give way; yield, B. surrender (oneself) to the control of another, etc., C. present for consideration or decision.

All of these definitions apply to the writer’s life, but the last definition (C) is the one I’m going to touch on today. For some of us submitting (presenting for consideration or decision) is too hard to handle. In our mind, the thought of sending something off could literally scare the hair off of a bald man. A few might even think the earth would topple off its axis if we put that envelop into the slot at the post office. Trust me, neither of these absurd things can or will happen if we submit.

Personally, I think it’s FEAR which keeps us from submitting. We’re afraid to let go of our masterpieces. Petrified someone will reject the piece we’ve worked so hard to perfect. “But, nettie. . .my. . .manuscript. . . it isn’t ready. I can’t send it in…yet.” I agree, it probably isn’t completely polished, but unless we release it, we’ll never know what might happen.

Has it ever occurred to us that sending our precious work off doesn’t always bring bad news? It could also bring a letter of acceptance from a publisher we’ve only dreamed about. When this monumental event occurred for me, I’m almost certain the angels in heaven sang the Hallelujah Chorus. . .okay, maybe that’s a little much, but I know there was a celebration going on up there. And, it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t submitted my stuff.

Ask anyone who’s been published. They’ll tell you there’s not a specific formula. For me, I’m a seat-of-your-pants kind of writer, so I guess that’s what kind of submitter I am, too. Just send it. Take a chance. Hey, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you join me and submit something this week? When you find out you didn’t die from actually doing it, do it again and again. It doesn’t hurt to submit and one day (SOON) you will get to say the words you’ve only imagined, “I’m a published author.”

nettie

S - Sending off our work creates in us
U - Unbelievable stress and untold strain.
B - But, if you hold on to them until they’re perfect
M - Masterpieces could go unread, unpublished.
I - Instead of touching someone else’s heart.
T - Take a chance – SUBMIT – imagine the possibilities.

The Love Song - Heartsong Presents

Everyone knows I’m a writer (or at least, I give it my best shot), but I’m also an avid reader. So when I’ve read a book I’ve thoroughly enjoyed, I want to tell my family and friends all about it. But today I’m going one step farther – I’m going to give you an opportunity at the end of my blog to win a copy of The Love Song by my friends Anita Higman and Janice Thompson.

Let’s start off with the synopsis to wet your whistle:

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.” Joel 2:24

CLUMSY,..INVISIBLE…UGLY. This is how Clair O’Neal would describe herself on a good day. Coming from an abusive childhood, she is painfully shy and sees herself as a misfit. So when she promises her boss she’ll represent her company at a high-society event, she finds herself completely out of her element.

Image coach Glenn Yves urges Clair to join the party, seeing something in her she cannot see herself. Musician Hudson Mandel rescues her from a moment of likely humiliation. Both men find themselves drawn to Clair’s unassuming presence, her inner beauty, and maybe even her vulnerability.

Can Clair trust their interest and their motives? After so many years without love, would God really bring two men into her life and make her choose between them?

NOW doesn’t that just make you want to run out and buy this book? Hope I’ve piqued your interest to do just that. This poignant love story by my two author friends touched my heart. And after you read The Love Song, I hope it will touch yours, as well.

nettie

PS: Oh, I bet you thought I forgot my earlier promise? I wouldn’t do something like that. HA!! Here’s how you can win a copy of The Love Song – go to www.anitahigman.com. There you’ll find the numerous books Anita has written (fiction and nonfiction). One of her nonfiction books has quite the catchy title. It’s Pets, Never _______ with a Tree Frog. The first three people who tell me at www.nettie-fudges-world.blogspot.com what the missing word is will receive a free copy of The Love Song. Happy hunting!

Here in America

Please listen to this phenomenal video by Diamond Rio. It's a reminder to all of us what this country stands for.

Love,

nettie

PERSEVERENCE

I do believe I’ve just had a light bulb moment. The sad part is it’s taken me quite some time to discover this little nugget. I know you’re all wondering what I’ve found, so I won’t keep you in suspense any longer – it’s. . .

PERSEVERENCE PRODUCES POLISHED PIECES FOR PUBLICATION. (say that 3 times without a hanky!! Oh my goodness)

James 1:2-4 sums it up best. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Each one of us face trials every day. And as writers, we deal with more than our fair share of them (do I hear an AMEN?). Every time I send something out to the different publishing houses, it’s a test of my faith. Did they receive what I submitted? Will they be interested in my novel, short story or poem? If I don’t hear a response, do I assume I can send my work out to someone else? Boy, this writing is hard work! I’m not having very much fun.

But wait, didn’t I just read in the verse that I’m to ‘consider it pure joy’ whenever we go through trials of ‘many kinds’. YES, I guess I did. Sounds like the Lord is telling me to change my attitude. Be joyful. Rejoice in the trials I’m going through because I’m developing PERSEVERENCE. Isn’t that the very thing I need to be a writer? Isn’t that the very thing I need to help me resend my work after I’ve revamped it and reworked it? Isn’t that the very thing I need to polish my pieces for possible publication?

YOU BET IT IS!!! ‘Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’

Praise the Lord!
nettie

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Now before you think this is our annual Christmas letter, it’s not. I’m actually writing to ask if you've noticed anything different when you’ve gone shopping at some of the national retailers. Well I have. They are using MERRY CHRISTMAS instead of Happy Holidays this year.

About a week ago when R. & I walked into Sears, I saw their holiday greeting. In big, bold letters the sign read “Merry Christmas.” I almost shouted out a thank you, but figured the other shoppers might think I’m a crazy person (no comment from those who know me-HA!). Then a few days later I noticed J.C. Penney’s was using Merry Christmas too. WOW!! But the biggest surprise of all came when I received Target’s catalog in the mail. I popped open the ornament on the front cover and read MERRY CHRISTMAS.

People, what is going on???? Have the national retailers finally heard our cries? I don’t know and really don't care, but I do appreciate whatever they are doing. And I plan on telling each and every one of them how much I do. Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we all thank them, and while we're at it, let's wish them a Merry Christmas, too.

nettie