Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Melancholy In The Big City

Melancholy: sadness, unhappiness, the blues (I'll have a Blue Christmas without you - sing it to me, Elvis).

Melancholy describes my mood right now because Christmas isn't one of my most favorite holidays, but I love the reasons for the season (Jesus' birth, songs, decorations). Now before you send out a psychiatrist to see if I have multiple personalities, let me try to explain my love/hate relationship with all gift giving holidays.

I guess I can blame it on my overactive wanter. I wanted and still want more presents than what I receive on any given birthday, anniversary or on Christmas morn. Years ago Mom and Dad didn't fulfill my insatiable need for hoards of presents and I've carried this into adulthood and my overactive wanter is now my husband's problem. It's sad, I know.

And R tries hard to fulfill my desires. He listens attentively when we're out shopping. If I say I like something, he takes it as his own. He'll go back and buy it for me and wrap it for the appropriate occasion. But when I open the item I didn't think I could live without, sometimes I'm disappointed. I remember saying I loved it, but two months later, it's not what I really wanted.

Outwardly I smile and thank him for the present I'm holding, but I know my internal reaction to his gift giving is totally unfair. I should look beyond my feelings and realize the time and attention R spent on me was given with all the love in his heart.

Maybe I need to let go of this overactive wanter business and become an overactive giver. Isn't that really what this wonderful season is all about? Oh, and Mom and Dad, before I forget, thanks for giving me all the things I ever needed. Especially your love for me and each other throughout the years.


1 comment:

DebbieDoesLife said...

I tell my kids its more fun to want something then to actually have it. Its a tough concept and one that I know you will get over. I'm sure a nice cruise or something would do the trick!